Trust the magic during a pandemic.

And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.

Mister Eckhart

Disclaimer: Unedited. Writing is my way of processing, so here it is. Raw.

The challenges that come with opening and closing a business is a roller coaster.

When you open a business, the anticipation fills as you go higher and higher, building up to the top until you reach that pivotal moment before you coast down at an increasing speed. Your knuckles turn white from hanging on and hustling. It’s a ride full of ups and downs. Good and bad. As a whole, it’s great.

No one really talks about the bottom.

It’s the point where you’ve come so low and so fast your stomach drops and your body is thrust forward. The feeling is sickening. It’s usually brief and we forget, but if you focus on that moment it’s kinda awful.

In case you haven’t guessed, I am closing my business. The brick and mortar business I poured every ounce of myself into for the last 4 years. The thing I created from nothing. The thing that took priority over everything – even food sometimes.

We sacrificed. We clawed. We navigated our way through an unknown forest and was beginning to see the light. 2020 started out with a bang, revenue was up in Month 1 and 2…. then COVID.

I have enough awareness to express gratitude even in the dark. COVID has impacted others WAY worse than myself or my tiny business. I am grateful for my health and my family’s health, but it still hurts. I’m going to allow myself to walk through this pain and face it.

What are the options? Hide. Avoid. Wait. Maybe get the same result after everything is taken from me. Nah. I’m all set. Sitting idly by is not my style. I avoid the victim card at all costs. Instead I take action.

As hard as it may be, I take action. I have to. What it means to close my business reaches far beyond the surface of shutting down an established store. It’s layered with self-worth, fear and a variety of other things I’m working through. It reaches beyond the scope of this little blog post, so…

Doux Wild will be my focus – and my family. Self care will become more of a priority as well. I’ve been neglecting my body, my home and basic nutrition for FAR too long. Silver linings, right?

I’m going to allow this hard to sit with me. Just for a bit, just for a little while. Then it can pack it’s bags and take a hike. For today, I’m going to feel. Discomfort is part of growth. And I’m going to sit with discomfort for now, so I can soar later.